whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
