is your mom at the bar?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
