and my herpes radar will keep us safe
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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