out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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