Already got asked if we're dating
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
