I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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