Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
