Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
