You're my little dorito
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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