Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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