I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
