dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I didn't shave. On purpose
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
