Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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