all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
