Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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