real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Omg I joined a choir last night...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
