no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
