This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
