Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
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