So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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