I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
