I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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