that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
either way he was missing a nipple.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
