Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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