If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
