Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
The adults are the big ones right?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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