Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
