I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
