I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize