I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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