I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I wish you could order shots online.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
