I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
How external is "for external use only"?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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