omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
