After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
