considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
