Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
