I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
