I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
