dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
