on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
