Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
