I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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