Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
