He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
