matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
