$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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