Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
