Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
