I just threw up on my dentist
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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