We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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