Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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