I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
