..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
