Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
