I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
