drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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